My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need Xanax blowdarts
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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