..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
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How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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