Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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