you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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