OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
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For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
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Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
So apparently I’m into choking now
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