I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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