just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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