Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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