my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
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Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
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You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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