my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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