Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone came in the potted fern
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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