I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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