It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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