OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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