She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
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I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
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My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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