before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I skipped work to stalk him.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
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how do flat chested girls get laid?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
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Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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