someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize