Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
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The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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