"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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