Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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