I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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