Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
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There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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