the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize