I am spending my child support on dildos
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
i black out too much to be "responsible"
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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