Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize