don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
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I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
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She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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