her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Hippo gnu deer
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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