I can't breathe out the right side of my face
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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