I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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