tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
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He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
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Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
He has the fingertips of a God
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