do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
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When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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