No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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