Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear on the fireplace
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize