yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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