I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize