Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
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Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
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I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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