no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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