Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
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Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
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Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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