wrigley field is MILF paradise
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
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