ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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