oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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