and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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