Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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