He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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