Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize