getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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