Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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