i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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