Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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