when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
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She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
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The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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